How to take baby-steps in order to thrive with bipolar disorder.

Using this analogy…

“There was a sidewalk that had a hole in it. As I walked by it I fell into the hole. The next day as I walked by I walked around the hole. The following day I crossed the street when I saw the hole. Finally, I chose a different street. It’s small goals, one day at a time”

I will break down baby steps.

Step 0

If we can’t see or feel where we are we are and that there is a place to stand…we can’t stand, period.

If we CANNOT see that we are having an episode, an emotional roller-coaster, an emotional outburst or responding impulsively

…this is where we are.

‎ 0.25 If we can see where we are, but don’t have a place to stand…at least we know that standing is possible.

If we CAN see that we are having an episode, an emotional roller-coaster, an emotional outburst or responding impulsively

…this is where we are.

0.50 If we know standing is possible, yet we do not have the strength to stand for long…we can practice standing for a little bit at a time, then rest.

We stand here when we see that it is possible to prevent

an episode, an emotional roller-coaster, an emotional outburst or responding impulsively

but we do not know how.

0.75 If we can get ourselves standing we can begin to build balance and practice standing with balance.

We stand here when we see that it is possible to prevent

an episode, an emotional roller-coaster, an emotional outburst or responding impulsively

but we do not know how…but we are learning and trying to see what works for us.

Step 1

We stand with balance and take our first step forward by channeling our strength:

a.) we have to free up a foot so it can move…this is the same as freeing up our thoughts in order to think differently.

b.) we have to plant our other foot and leg with strength in the ground and keep balance as we use it to propel ourselves forward…this is the same as taking what has worked in the past to help us and using it in the present.

We stand here when we see that it is possible to prevent

an episode, an emotional roller-coaster, an emotional outburst or responding impulsively

AND we have figured out what works for us…we just have to develop our ability to implement it.

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BECAUSE WE ARE NEW TO WALKING…WE WILL FALL IN HOLES AND TRIP ON CRACKS.

And even when we are great walkers, there will be times when we trip and will either have to catch our balance really quickly or fall down and get back up again.

THE KEY IS TO NOT FORGET THAT WE KNOW HOW TO WALK.

This is true for episodes, emotional roller-coasters, emotional outbursts and impulsive behavior.

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Step 2

We have to learn to recognize what holes and cracks look like….this is the same as recognizing what triggers episodes, emotional roller-coasters and outbursts and impulsivity.

We won’t see every episode, an emotional roller-coaster, an emotional outburst or responding impulsively that are out there…we will still fall from time to time, but we will get better at recognizing them.

Step 3

We have to be able to see where our FOOT ends and where the hole or crack begins so we don’t put our foot in it…

This is the same as learning with time what makes who you are different from an episode, an emotional roller-coaster, an emotional outburst or an impulsive response.

DOING THIS COMES WITH TIME AND A LOT OF PRACTICE.

Step 4

Once we know that we are NOT the hole or crack…when we know that we are affected by the hole and crack…then we have power to respond to the hole and crack differently.

WE HAVE POWER TO RESPOND TO EPISODES, EMOTIONAL ROLLER-COASTERS, EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS, AND IMPULSIVE RESPONSES DIFFERENTLY…when we catch that we are having them.

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Step 5

NOW we have OPTIONS…

We can start by seeing the hole or crack and pointing at it and saying, “There’s that damn hole / crack/ episode, emotional roller-coaster etc that made me fall down. I hate it!”

5.25. Next we can make up our minds that, “I am going to do my best to not step on this hole / crack / episode / emotional roller-coaster / impulse etc because I am going to pay attention to where the cracks and holes are in my life.”

‎5.50. We can make a decision, “I will choose how I respond to this hole/ crack / EMOTION I am feeling.”

JUST BECAUSE WE HAVE AN EMOTION DOES NOT BELIEVE IT IS TRUE.

We can choose how to respond if we take time to breathe and think before we automatically respond to the emotion.

5.75. Then, I will make it harder for the hole/crack/etc to trip me and make me fall down by not even getting close to it…I will cross the street.

Emotionally that would be NOT responding right away to every feeling we have. It would be noticing the feeling and letting it pass.

Step 6

“I will take a different street that does not have as many holes and cracks on it.”

What this means is choosing HOW WE THINK AND CHOOSE TO RESPOND in ways that are supportive of who we are and making choices that reflect what we want for ourselves.

Happiness, Excitement & Stress do NOT necessarily mean MANIA. Happiness & Bipolar Disorder.

in Daily Living / Ideas About Depression / Ideas About Mania / My Work & Research / Support for Parents / Taking A Stand by Robin Mohilner June 14, 2011 0 comments

One of the hardest challenges people living with bipolar disorder face is the fear that they cannot be happy, excited or experience stress in a normal way.

There is an assumption in our society that this is mania.

I believe it is NOT true.

The following article are simply my beliefs as a person who thrives with bipolar disorder and experiences a life full of happiness, excitement and stress.

HAPPINESS

Happiness that comes from feeling good about yourself…

self-esteem, self-worth, integrity, dignity, self-respect, what you’ve achieved, your family, how you treat people, give to people, gratitude for your life etc

….IS NOT MANIA…it is JOY.

Happiness and excitement that comes from what you plan to do in the FUTURE…

it is also JOY,

but because their is a GOAL that MAY invite the stressors of OVERWHELM or a drive of URGENCY…

the joy could lead to MANIA.

Therefore, happiness and excitement about what is current or in the past MAY be SAFE and not lead to mania at all. It may be happiness and excitement about the future that may have the potential to welcome mania into our lives.

There is NOTHING WRONG with being happy and excited about the future.

We simply have to be more careful and pay attention to our sense of URGENCY and STOP when we feel URGENCY and /or OVERWHELM.

We must PAUSE…and take time to calm down and focus on one step at a time instead of the big OVERWHELMING picture.

The KEY here…is we have to be able to RECOGNIZE what URGENCY and OVERWHELM feel like in our bodies so we can respond to them RIGHT AWAY, before MANIA can kick in and we lose control.

On a different note:

Happiness or energy that feels excessive or strange to you could be mania.

The amount of happiness we feel, that is considered normal happiness, is often in proportion with the cause.

If we feel extremely happy and a burst of energy from experiencing something that is ordinary to us…

The chances are we may be experiencing mania.

STRESS

We cannot avoid STRESS in life.

There will ALWAYS be stress in our lives.

To believe that we cannot handle stress dis-empowers us.

We have to learn how to cope with STRESS and how to receive support when we are OVERWHELMED.

People living with bipolar disorder already have the tendency to hold everything in an be STRONG.

This way of being for us, holding everything in or hiding everything, IS NOT HEALTHY FOR US.

By telling us that we must maintain a stress-free life…it encourages us to hold everything in.

I believe we appear to NOT handle stress well because our whole lives we have held the pain, the suffering, the loss, the wounds and the damage INSIDE OURSELVES.

Therefore, when stress happens in our lives…coming from the outside of ourselves, it is too much, we have an episode.

Our own shame, guilt, internalized stigma, self-fear, lack of self-trust, low self-esteem and other self-destructive emotions and actions are enough stress to cause relapse without ANY external stress.

In fact, I believe that internalized stigma is more stress than any daily external stressor.

One reason why I believe I have not had a significant episode in 15 years…is because I don’t hold anything in.

I do not hide anything from anyone.

My transparency frees me from internal STRESS.

It does not mean that I don’t have stress, it means that when I have stress, I let it out.

I am not ashamed or disgraced to have bipolar disorder.

Uncovering loving ways for doing an intervention

in Actions / Ideas: Ways to Thrive / Relationships Effected By Bipolar Disorder / Taking A Stand by Robin Mohilner April 5, 2011 2 comments

In my years of helping people develop their ability to thrive with bipolar disorder, I have heard horror stories about interventions that were done on them. As a therapist, I help teach people loving ways for doing interventions.

Out of love and desperation, people often do some very hurtful things to get someone to get help.

INTERVENTIONS GONE WRONG: Words that hurt someone you love when trying to get them help.

“Something is wrong with you.”

“You scare me.”

“I am ashamed of you.”

“You embarrass me.”

“You are crazy.”

“You are bad.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You are bipolar.”

It does not matter what words follow after these sentences. The damage has already been done.

It is highly unlikely that a person will want to seek help, when the person trying to help them is hurting them.

Loving ways to do an intervention:

Use “I” Statements.
Focus on specific behaviors that you are concerned about.
Asking your loved one to receive help.

“I” Statements:

“I am concerned that…”

“It hurts me when…”

“I get scared when…”

“When this (behavior) happens, I feel…”

“I don’t know what to do when…”

These types of “I” statements are effective because:

They do not blame or shame.
They do not judge a person.
They do not label a person.
The person sharing these statements is expressing how something affects them…they are owning it.

Focusing on specific behaviors: (that are not normal for the person)

Examples:

“When you don’t sleep at night, I fear that…”

“You’ve been speaking so fast lately that I can’t understand you.”

“The way you drove today, really scared me. I felt we were going to get into a bad car accident.”

“When you purchased _________ on a whim, I didn’t feel we could afford it and I don’t know what to do about that.”

“Your emotions have been so powerful lately. It scares me and I don’t know how to respond.”

“You haven’t stopped working on ___________ (goal) in four days. You haven’t eaten, showered, changed clothes, slept or left the house. This is not how you normally are. I am concerned.”

What makes it effective:

You are separating the person from the problem = not shaming, blaming and judging your loved one.
You are expressing your response to their behavior without labeling or diagnosing the behavior.
Your concern is NOT that there is something wrong with your loved one, but that their behavior is significantly different from how they usually are.
You bring awareness to the behavior.

Asking your loved one to receive help

The goal here is to:

Not make yourself an expert or “know-it-all”. You do not want your loved one to have to defend their behavior. Therefore, you acknowledge that you don’t know what it’s like to experience what they are experiencing. (Unless you too are living with bipolar disorder…then it is different.)
Acknowledge that you believe that their behavior could be beyond their control; therefore, it is worthy of receiving help and not a reflection of who they are.
Ask them if they are willing to receive help. If their behaviors do not put them at harm to themselves and others, it is best to willingly choose to receive help.

Example:

“I don’t know what it is like for you to not be able to sleep and to have such powerful emotions (or whatever behaviors you are noticing), but it appears that what is happening may be beyond your control. Are you willing to receive help?”

When to have a professional intervention

If you are not able to communicate with your loved one in a structured and constructive way, it may be a good option to have a therapist or specialist participate in the intervention to structure and guide the communication process.

However the role of the interventionist is not to diagnose your loved one, their role is simply to contain and structure the communication so that your loved one can have an opportunity to choose to receive help.

Compassion for Charlie Sheen: taking a stand for Charlie

in Taking A Stand by Robin Mohilner March 1, 2011 7 comments

I am so thankful that I was not famous and incredibly wealthy when I had my worst full-blown out of control manic episode. I would not be where I am today and I would not be able to become a therapist that helps people thrive with bipolar disorder.

I am so lucky that full-blown mania came into my life at a time when I was able to overcome the consequences of self-destruction, public humiliation, loss and shame that mania causes.

I am so grateful that there was no one to document my actions and words besides my mother.

Therefore, I take a stand for Charlie Sheen because I believe his current words and actions may be those of mania and years of self-medicating drug abuse, not necessarily his character.

I am not treating Charlie Sheen, but in my opinion, the behavior he is expressing is quite NORMAL for someone experiencing full-blown mania and living with untreated bipolar disorder (even if never experiencing “traditional depression”).

I also believe that his lifestyle is quite NORMAL for someone living with untreated bipolar disorder who has fame and fortune.

When people have fame and fortune people are more readily willing to accept their manic “peculiarities” without calling it a diagnosis and without saying, “It’s not okay to treat me like this.” or “I think you have a problem and you need help.”

Charlie Sheen’s level of fame and wealth gives him access to the best drugs on the planet. He can afford to make himself feel anything he wants to feel whenever he wants using drugs. I can understand why he would not see the value of a $10 bottle of Lithium that would make him feel more normal.

In my opinion, in order for him to want that $10 bottle of Lithium, he would have to experience the worst of the mania that many people never experience because intervention takes place before the mania peaks.

I probably wouldn’t be so committed to taking my lithium everyday if I had not experienced the peak of mania.

Where I believe Charlie Sheen is right now is in the best part of mania. Who wouldn’t want to truly feel omnipotent, divinely chosen and special and invincible?

Right now, to everyone else, Charlie looks out of control. However, my experience knows that he feels more in control of his life than ever before.

But I know what comes after that. What came after that for me was so devastating and scary that I have not allowed myself to be fully manic since.

Every emotion I’ve ever had, came exploding out of me. All of my pain, rage and sadness exploded out of me uncontrollably. I was haunted by delusions disguised as memories and obsessive paranoia that my family was trying to hurt me. I used my words as knives to hurt people. Everything that was good in me, was gone. All I could do was destroy my life.

This is why I take my medication everyday and do everything that it takes to remain stable with bipolar disorder.

Maybe Charlie Sheen needs to be in a safe environment. One in which he cannot harm himself and further destroy his life in order to hit rock bottom. Maybe then, he can realize the priceless value of a $10 bottle of Lithium.