“I’m sick with myself” by team member, Achtland

I’m having a really sucky time tolerating with my emotions.

I dont really want to do it.

Im sick of pain, I dont wanna feel disappointed anymore.

Im sick of promises.

Im sick of believing in things that aren’t real.

Im sick of having high hopes.

Im sick of chasing things that I am never going to reach.

Im sick of being personally alone.

Im sick of not working.

Im sick of not being able to trust people.

Im sick of my family not allowing me to feel.

Im sick of my talents that are wasted.

Im sick of being nervious.

Im sick of being afraid.

Im sick of crying.

Im sick of put downs.

Im sick of being quiet.

Im sick of being told what to do all the time.

Im sick of being NICE.

Im sick of being beautiful.

IM sick of LOVE.

Im sick of trying,

Im sick of noise.

Im sick with myself.


“Depression, You Are The Great Liar” by Julie Farmer

Depression, you are the great liar.

Backing me into a dark corner where only I can hear you.

Your accusatory voice like curling smoke from your vile mouth

Away from the safety of the ones who love me.

You beat me with a cudgel of intimidation

Telling me I am no good; do not belong here.

You throw all of my failures into my face like hot searing acid; burning me alive with shame.

Cold and alone in a corner, I cower, curled up with my back to dank rough stone.

The room is dark. I can’t find my way out.

You taunt me

I am too weak both physically and mentally.

I know you are waiting to take the final prize

You want me to give up

Who are you to try and take it all away from me?

You will not be there to help pick up the pieces for those left behind if I go

You will not provide for my children, cheer their triumphs or soothe them in my absence

Don’t you reach out your cruel hand for mine

I will not meet you in this dark place

I’d slaughter you, as you would me.


Written By Julie Farmer,

member of team THRIVE



“My Love Bipolar” by Beth Campbell

He was my friend first and foremost.  The first friend I ever had that didn’t really mind the third wheel always with us.  I think it was because it belonged to him to too.  Just nobody had told him yet.

The day we met was like the brightest sunniest day I have ever seen.  No clouds.  No signs of rain.  That would come later.  He was bigger than life. His laugh infectious.  He said what was on his mind.  Take it or leave it.  I took it.  He made me smile.  He made me feel safe.  And special.  I felt truly loved.

And normal.

Because we are the same.

We had our best together time late into the night.  When the whole world…or most of it was sound asleep.  It was like having a secret.  For the first time…I wasn’t lonely in the dark.  We laughed, we ate, we made love…. Our need for each other insatiable…our joy irrepressible.  We were love.  Plain and simple and sweet.   We spent every minute together, not needing or wanting anyone else.

I drank him in.  He embraced me.  Completely.  Everything we did was over the top.  Every emotion out of control.  Bigger than either of us.  We had passion and I felt young and beautiful and incredibly lucky.  We were made for each other…we fit.   When it was good there was nothing better

It got bad sometimes.  And there was nothing worse.  We fought as hard as we loved and then we made up reconnecting physically and spiritually.  As time wore on we would leave each other after fighting…but we could never stay away for long.   Neither one of us had the ability to stop the highs and lows…we fed off of each other…we needed each other.   We were not whole unless we were together.

We were getting married.  He bought a ring and I was forever his and he mine.  We told each other everything no matter how odd it might seem because we understood each other.  It was the rest of the world that didn’t understand us.  I felt like part of me was missing and he felt empty when we were apart.

That winter, we slipped into the darkness together.  I will never really know why.  There are reasons but it doesn’t really matter anymore.  We lay in bed clinging to each other desperately holding on to love until we turned on each other.  I will never be able to say how dark those days were.  Lost, day after day and right there but unable to turn to each other…only able to lash out at each other…to hurt each other because nobody else would understand.   The end was violent.  I pushed.  He pushed back and the world exploded into a violence that was bigger than everything else.  He wanted to hurt me…and I wanted him to kill me.  As quick as it started it was over and we were left drained and shocked and ashamed.  Wary of each other but still wanting only each other. I forgave him but he could not forgive himself.   We stumbled on for a short while until one day he left.

The third entity – Bipolar became my issue. He rejected its existence, denied his familiarity and fled to find normal.  He moved 2500 miles away so that he couldn’t come back this time.  As the miles that separated us became greater, we both cried, aching so badly with the need to just be.  To be together.

The dark days of our demise were dusk compared to what followed.  Because he had shown me what not lonely felt like…the loneliness has been unbearable.  Time has passed and it isn’t easier.  We talk.  We see each other occasionally.  And we are both lost and alone and afraid.    I wonder if this is what it feels like now, how would  I ever be able to even breathe if he had died.  I feel as if I might as well be dead.

He calls me late at night sometimes, when the rest of the world is asleep.  It’s our secret.  We laugh and cry and feel alive for the time we are connected and then shut down and merely exist when we are not.  The nights he does not call I lay alone in the dark sometimes the tears flowing silently down my face.

I speak less.  I do not laugh.  I barely cry.  The hurt and emptiness never go away.   Ever.  I lose myself for hours in music trying to find solace and peace in the depth of it.  By “normal” standards it was dysfunctional and for that reason I rarely explain.   We were normal for us.  And it was the most exceptional amazing time of my life.

He never minded that Bipolar was a third wheel. Until he wanted to leave.  I think it belonged to him too it’s just that no one had told him.  If they had, we might not have even attempted a relationship and never felt a love that deep or strong.

And maybe if he knew it was his too…he never would have left.

Author ~ Beth Campbell


“The Story of Nibor” for those who feel like they are from a different planet and don’t fit in here on earth

Today we are addressing common feelings that ALL PEOPLE experience at one time or another…

Feeling ALONE.

Feeling like no one gets them.

Being lonely.



In today’s writing, I write about being from a different planet.

No, I am NOT an alien.

I do not believe I am an alien.

I use the idea of being from a different planet as a way to describe my experience and share my feelings and ideas.


Here’s my story…


Sometimes I feel like I am from a DIFFERENT PLANET.

When I was a teenager, I named that planet “Nibor”

(my name backwards).


“The Story of Nibor”

by Robin Mohilner


On planet, Nibor, all life is transparent.

As Niborians, it is our custom to say what you think…share what you feel. (period)

There is no silencing of anything or hiding.

There is no embarrassment or shame for being who you are.

“Judgment” is a concept we simply don’t have.

…Niborian’s simply don’t have a need for it.

Judgment is of NO value.

There is no such thing as “NORMAL”, so no one is DIFFERENT.

We simply just BE who we are,

And by simply being who we are,

we each have a gift that we contribute to life on our planet.


Being Robin Mohilner, a Niborian, on planet earth is hard.


Even when I am with great people, sometimes…I feel alone.

I feel lonely.

Sometimes I wonder if I am the only Niborian on this planet.

I miss Nibor so much at times because here on earth, most people are afraid to be themselves.

They are afraid to share what they think and how they feel…and I simply don’t get it.

I don’t get why people are so afraid,

…until I listen to their stories of horrible judgment and mean-spiritedness.

People on planet earth do and say really mean things TO and ABOUT each other.

This just doesn’t happen on on Nibor and I don’t choose to participate in these customs on earth.


There are several earth customs that I do not understand:


Why do people feel the need for everyone to be the same?

What is wrong with people being different?

On my planet, it is our differences that give us gifts to offer each other.

Why should I be just like you?

I have far more to offer you by being ME.


I notice that with the invention of “NORMAL”, so many people go through life not feeling good enough.


My definition of “Normal” from observation is:

“the constant comparison people make in relationship to other people to decide their own self-worth, self-esteem and self-respect.”


Whose idea was “NORMAL”?!?

How does being “normal” enhance people’s lives and create fulfillment?


On Nibor, people wouldn’t even be able to understand this concept,

which is why I don’t understand it at all…and I don’t believe in it.



Why do people spend their whole lives competing against each other over STUFF???

It’s just STUFF…

…stuff is not even of REAL value…it’s just decoration without substance.

I just DON’T get it!



I may sound nuts right now…

I know I speak Niborian and that is not a commonly used language here on earth.

I don’t expect most people to understand me.

But if you do, you may come from a planet close by and we may share a similar dialect and customs.



People get uncomfortable with me because I am NOT enough like them.

People’s discomfort makes me uncomfortable…

When I am uncomfortable


I simply don’t know how to respond to such awkward feelings…so I shrink…and it feels horrible.

I shrink because I fear people will judge me and say,
“Why don’t you just go back to Nibor?”
My answer for them is,
“It doesn’t work like that.”
“Nibor is NOT a physical planet.
Nibor is MY way of being in life.”
“Earth, is filled with an infinite number of  worlds (ways of being) created by each life that inhabits it.”

Everyone has their own planet that they come from.

“Planet” refers to our own personal space (our alone space) within ourselves that is the seat of our beliefs, ways of thinking, customs, traditions, ways of connecting, values, goals, hopes etc



Some planets (see definition above) are closer to many others and revolve around the same sun (core beliefs, values, etc) together and have a lot more in common…other planets have their own very unique qualities and have much more distance from other planets and have their own star that they revolve around.

I believe my planet, Nibor, has some of ALL of the above…at times it is closer to all the other planets in the universe here on earth…at times it is light years away.

I like to think that all of our planets are consistently evolving, growing and changing as we all move through the universe.

So I’ve grown to believe that there are times when we have more closer connections and times of more distance and we feel alone in the universe.

Thinking in these terms makes me not feel so lonely…I accept there is just a lot of space in the universe between my planet and other planets similar to mine.


If you feel like you are from another planet.

I want you to know…

You are not alone.


Letters To & From My Father ~ Written by Robin Mohilner

I was 24 when I wrote these letters and in graduate school working through my pain.

On, October 22, 2004, I gave myself a two-part self-care assignment that I committed myself to.



Directions for my own self-care:

Robin, you are to write two letters:

Letter # 1:  Write a letter to your father

Letter #2:  Write a letter to yourself responding as if you are your father



Letter #1

In this letter, share with him both what you need and needed from him and how not having it affects and effected your life.


I MUST take responsibility for my needs

I MUST NOT blame, shame, or judge him.

I MUST have compassion and empathy for who he is.



Letter #2

Write this letter to you, from your father.

Write the letter as though you are your father.

In this letter give yourself what you need to receive.



but if you do, your relationship with him may be better as a result.



2009 Dancing with my Dad



Letter #1

Written by Robin Mohilner on October 22, 2004


Dear Dad,


I know that you did the best that you could do in raising me in each moment with the interpersonal resources that you had and circumstances that you faced.  Dad, I am so proud of you, it must have been so hard for you to be a father not knowing from your own father what it was like to receive unconditional love, support, safety and acceptance.


I can’t imagine how painful it must have been to never feel good enough in your father’s eyes.  I will never understand the pain of watching your mother be sick your whole life and having her die without ever seeing you become a man.  Now I can understand why you distanced yourself when mom had cancer and when grandma passed away.  I imagine that somewhere deep down inside your heart is still hurting.  It’s okay to cry Dad, its okay to mourn your loss.  It’s not your fault.


It must have been hard to become a father, to be fully responsible for another human life.  You must have been scared and confused at times not knowing what to do with the tiny fragile life that fit into the palm of your hands.  You must have felt a tremendous pressure knowing that your actions, words, deeds, values, and beliefs would shape this little life and mold it into a beautiful woman.


Dad, you succeeded.  I am the strong, intelligent and independent woman you hoped for me to be.   I am the woman who speaks her mind, stands for what she believes in, and isn’t afraid to take a risk.


However, Dad, I’m not the woman I desire to be and deserve to be.  And I am not as strong as you think I am.  Dad, I choose men that are emotionally unavailable because I do not know how to be or to allow myself to be loved by a man that is truly able to be a partner to me and love me for everything that I am.  Even worse, I try to change them.  I try to make them fall in love with me especially if they are emotionally unavailable.


I do this to myself because it is safe.  Dad, I love you more than words will ever express and I know you love me.  However, you were not emotionally available in my life.  You did not know how to express or show me love.  I knew you loved me, but I did not receive it.  I did not experience the emotion of being loved.   You had a hard time hugging me, and you didn’t tell me you loved me until I moved to college.


Dad, I couldn’t change you.  No matter how much I knew I needed to be loved, I couldn’t make you love me (show me that you love me).  So unconsciously, I recreate our relationship with men hoping that I can convince men who are emotionally unavailable to be able to truly be in love with me.  And Dad, I’ve failed every time.


Sadly enough, there is a belief floating within me that I’m not loveable.  Due to my choices, I have reinforced the belief multiple times.  I fear that if I continue on this path, I will come to consciously believe that I am not worthy of having someone be in love with me.


Dad, I don’t want to feel not loveable anymore.  I don’t want to have to convince or change a man to love me.  I finally realize that no man’s love can replace the love I needed to receive from you.  So I’m telling you now that I forgive you for not giving me the love that I needed.  I forgive you Dad.  I can’t change you, but I can forgive you.


At the same time, I give myself permission to accept full responsibility for my choices here-on-out.  I now have the gift of awareness and it is my duty to act on it.  It is my responsibility to make new choices in who I choose to love and move beyond my comfort zone of emotional unavailability.


I love you Dad.  And it’s not your fault that you couldn’t express to me the love that I needed.


All my love,







2006 "Father Daughter Cruise"2006 “Our Father Daughter Cruise”



Letter #2

Written by Robin Mohilner on October 26, 2004




Dear Robin,


I love you more than the word love could ever define.  It broke my heart to learn that deep inside you feel that you are unlovable.  Even though I completely disagree with your feelings, and see you as the most loving and lovable person I know, I want you to know that it’s okay for you to feel that way.  I’m sorry that you are hurting.


I don’t want to make any excuses for how I have treated you.  I haven’t been the most loving father.  I was not there for you in the way you needed me to be.  I couldn’t handle your sensitivity.  I reacted to your emotion by trying to fix your problems instead of allowing you to share your feelings with me.  I’d like to say that I reacted that way because I’m a man and that’s just what we do.  But that would be a cop-out.  Robin, I did the best that I could do and you deserve better.  I’m sorry my little girl, you’ll always be my little girl.  I am so sorry that I was not able to be the father that was able to show you how much I love you.


Robin, I’ve never told you how I see you.  I’ve never expressed to you your own worth.  I know I’ve told you that no man is good enough for you in my eyes, but I’ve never told you why I feel the way I do.  I don’t say that just because you’re my daughter.  Robin, you’ve been my source of hope and joy through out your entire life.  I looked forward to going to work in the morning, not because I liked my job, but because I knew that when I left the house at 6am, that my little girl would be in her bedroom window waiving to me and blowing me kisses.  You did that every morning and it gave me something to look forward to.  And I couldn’t wait to get home because I knew that the moment I stepped in the door, my little girl would be waiting for me at the top of the stairs.  You used to be so excited to see me.  You couldn’t wait to share what you learned with me.  You had so many questions to ask me.  You were full of so much life and you haven’t changed.  Robin, there were days I hated my life because I hated my job. Your beautiful spirit got me through those days and I took you with me everywhere I went.  You were my reason to move forward, to try, to work hard.  You are also the reason why I did not take promotions in my career because it would have required for me to spend less time with you.  I wasn’t willing to give that up for anything in the world.


I should have told you how much you mean to me.  I didn’t know how to.  So I’ll do my best now.  Robin, I am so proud of you.  I am so honored to be your father.  I believe in you.  Not just in your abilities to succeed in life.  I believe in your character.  I believe in your values.  I believe in and trust in the decisions you make.  Wow, I am so proud of who you are.  Robin, I’ve watched you struggle in life, I’ve watched you hurt, and I’ve seen your heart break.  It hurt me so deeply to not be able to help you; however, watching you overcome adversity and react to the world has given me the utmost faith and belief in you.  You cannot disappoint me.  You have never disappointed me.  Simply by being who you are, you have exceeded my expectations.


I know that I’ve never told you that you are beautiful.  I am so sorry for that.  I know that growing up you felt ugly and undesirable.  I didn’t do anything about it.  I realize that over the years I’ve just had a hard time looking at you.  I want to see you as my little girl, but you’re not anymore.  You are a beautiful woman.  It’s really hard for me to accept that.  I’ve never told you this, but I notice how men look at you when we go out.  They’re looking at my little girl sexually, and even though I know that you’re an adult and that you have sex, I just don’t want men looking at you in a disrespectful way.  So I guess that I keep myself from seeing what they see.  But I can’t deny that you are gorgeous.  However, you are gorgeous to me for different reasons.


To me Robin, your heart makes you gorgeous.  You amaze me. You give of yourself not expecting anything in return.  You love people unconditionally, even if they don’t love you.  You have always been there for people when they need you, even if they reject your help.  People have hurt you so deeply, yet you always find it in your heart to forgive them.  You fall down and get back up again.  I don’t know how you do it.  But you are the most loving human being on the face of this planet.  And I don’t just say that because I’m your father.  I say that because you are the only Robin that exists and I am so blessed to have the honor of being your father.


Now let’s talk about men and your relationships.  Robin, you know that I feel no man is good enough for you.  Again, it’s not just because I’m your father.  I realize and am so saddened that you have sought out emotionally unavailable men with the hope of changing them as a reflection of our relationship.  Watching you has brought me pain because deep down inside I have always known.  I can’t change that. I can’t change the wounds I’ve created within you and I can’t change your choices.  I hope that with you now realizing your dating pattern that you can change it yourself.


What I can do is tell you what I hope for you in a partner.  I want the man that you love to be able and willing to love you in the way you deserve to be loved.  He must love you unconditionally because any less is not worthy of your love.  A man that is worthy of you will adore you and cherish you.  He will be there for you and give you permission to be weak.  Robin, I know it’s hard for you to be weak; you’ve been the source of strength for far too many people your whole life.  This is why a man worthy of you will give you permission to trust him, to trust that it’s okay for you to be weak because he will be there for you.  Robin, I’ve watched you be rejected by men and I know the pain that it has caused you.  A man worthy of you would never reject you; he would never make you feel that something is wrong with you.  He would never ever make you feel unlovable.  You will never have to convince him to love you or convince him of your worth.  I could go on and on about this because my standards for you are far greater than I can express here.  Maybe I’ll do so in another letter.


Robin, I know I didn’t write this letter myself.  However, I know you know that this is how I truly feel.  I hope writing this letter was a healing experience for you.  And whenever, you need to hear something from me feel free to be the one to tell yourself the things that I do not know how to say.


I love you my little girl,





I shared both letters with my dad.

Although he has not changed drastically.

He makes the effort to tell me he loves me and gives me hugs.

He lights up when he sees me doing what I’m passionate about.

I know he is proud of me.

What changed is me.

I have changed because I finally accept him as he is

And no longer expect him to be someone he is not.


This has made our relationship better.



Hiding Under The Bed by Robin Mohilner

Hiding Under The Bed

By Robin Mohilner

October 28, 2002


I used to hide in the mysterious dark of hidden treasures with all of the monsters that haunted my dreams.  I was determined to face the monsters in the daylight, by hiding with them under my bed.  One day I hid under my bed for three hours.  I didn’t find any monsters.  But I did find toys that were once loved that had gone forgotten.  I found the missing Legos and Barbie doll heads.  I found the food that I spilled in the crack between the bed and the wall.  Of course I was surrounded by all of the dirty socks and underwear that I threw under the bed…I liked to use those as puppets when I hid.  My mom tried to convince me that my dirty clothes became monsters at night so that I would clean my room.  I decided to prove her wrong by leaving all of my dirty clothes all over the room.  Yeah, I showed her, I stopped believing in monsters after that one.


She wasn’t very happy about that and that’s why I was hiding under the bed for so long.  She got so mad at me for throwing my dirty clothes around the room that she yelled at me in a way I was not accustomed.  She used words like “shit” and “God damn it what the hell is wrong with you.”  She did not care about me overcoming the monsters. But she did make me feel so sad.  I felt as though she didn’t love me anymore.  So when she punished me to stay in my room for an hour with no toys I decided that I was going to run away.  I was a smart six year old, I thought of the consequences of running away.  I didn’t run away for two reasons: I didn’t have a stick and I didn’t have a red and white pocka-dot cloth to wrap my clothes in.  I made the decision to pretend to run away.  That is how I decided to hide under my bed.


I hid under my bed for a long time waiting for my mother to worry and panic.  I wanted her to feel bad for yelling at me.  In reality I needed to know that she still loved me.  She never came looking for me.  Three hours went by and she never once called for me.  Then I suddenly heard the front door slam shut.  She left the house.  She forgot about me.  I went running out from under my bed, but she was gone.  I was home alone for two hours (really 30 minutes) crying.  All I wanted to know was that my mom still loved me even though she was mad at me.  What I believed was that she didn’t care and had forgotten about me.  When my mom returned home I broke out in uncontrollable tears crying, “You don’t love me anymore!”  She took me in her arms and said, “Robin, I will always love you.  My little girl, I was working in the yard.”  I asked her why she didn’t come searching for me.  She said, “I know you…I knew you were playing under the bed.  I knew that it would be a lot smarter to let you come out when you get tired of hiding, than to go under there with you and try to drag you out.


Right Before Seeking Help by Julie Farmer


We were given a gift by a member, Julie Farmer, on the Facebook page I created, Thrive With Bipolar Disorder, that I have the pleasure, honor and permission to share with you.


Right Before Seeking Help

By Julie Farmer


The following was written while deeply depressed right before seeking help:

The depression that comes and goes is crippling. It affects every fiber of my being. Making decisions or functioning normally is impossible when this happens. A cloud of despair hovers and cloaks me in complete and utter darkness. I feel like I have no one to turn to. Fear sets in as I become keenly aware of my inability to cope effectively with even the smallest of life’s challenges. Unable to sort out what is real and what is the depression and hopelessness sets in. Feelings of being a dysfunctional person and a failure deepen and I begin to feel suicidal. I become concerned that I will not be able to pull through it this time and think that I might actually “end it” this time.


It is like those stories where someone takes the very wrong road during a blizzard and gets stuck with no provisions and no way to get out to safety. I sit in despair not knowing what to do to survive it while the voice screams in my head like the blizzard wind whips around thoughts like beads of ice crystal pelting me and I want to shut myself off to make it stop but the only way to gain silence and reprieve is… to die. It becomes harder and harder to hide it so I sit alone with my thoughts that I cannot share for fear that I will be locked up and lose any freedom I have. I feel that no one will understand or that if I tell them, they will separate themselves from me in the future and I will be left with no one.


The solitude is terrible because I am left with the inability to recognize reality. It has affected every relationship in my life and is devastating. I feel so physically weak. There are so many activities that seem so far out of reach due to the weakness. I want to be strong so that the people I love won’t be hurt. I feel sometimes they would be better off without putting up with my pathetic failures. I know I am not like everybody else. They all live in a different world than I do. Waking up to a home full of people who are willingly together is so foreign to me, so unattainable. I can only vaguely imagine it. Not my lot in life. It distances me from reality and healthy relationships. I ruin would be relationships with my distorted realities. I know I am not lovable. I am the opposite. Very forgettable. I am always the one who loves and does not get loved in return. Never missed and easily forgotten. I just don’t belong here. I burden others with my negativity. I just know it. I feel like an alien in this world. There are glimpses of love from my children and grandchildren and I would be dead right now if not for that. Otherwise, I am junk. I hate it here. I am very sad and I don’t think I have much to look forward to. Too weak and confused and fucking unwilling anymore to reach out because when I do, my hand is slapped or just plain ignored. I wish I could do something to help others or anything productive really, but I am too broken to get up myself. I think if something doesn’t happen to change my…..


It abruptly ends because the phone rang and a friend who also has bipolar recognized right away that I needed help and kept me close to her until I was no longer suicidal and had gotten help. I love her so much.

~ Author Julie Farmer



This is what I wrote regarding mania:

When the highs hit, they are severe. I can go for up to ten days with only 2 or 3 hours of sleep per night. I can lie down with the intention of getting the needed rest, but end up lying awake feeling like I took speed. It feels like an adrenaline rush. The hair on my head might even stand on end. I take something at night to help with maintaining a normal sleep pattern, but this is also unreliable. Sometimes I am up late and also up early despite the use of sleep aids. I start to crave company that I can interact with and share my thoughts especially at night. When I talk to people, they sometimes accept me as being in a “funny mood” and are entertained but my close friends who have known me for most of my life have expressed concern for my lack of good decision making and extreme impulsiveness.


Sometimes I say and do things that, in retrospect, are surprising and even appalling to me after the fact. When I’m feeling this way, I’m very likely to seek a sexual partner if I don’t have one already and in the past has led to promiscuity with many sexual partners, some of them being complete strangers. I have eloped twice when in this state. I am also more likely to be accident prone because after several days without adequate rest, my thought processes do not function properly and I have gotten lost driving around close to home and had a rollover accident with my car. I don’t realize how bad it is until afterwards when I have to deal with things I’ve done when I am not thinking straight.


I fall down stairs, cut myself accidentally while cooking, etc. doing normal everyday activities. I come up with lots of ideas, usually business ventures and things I can make or accomplish when I am like this include opening my own restaurant, personal chef business, construction business, cleaning service, etc. This usually goes extremely well until I hit the wall and depression knocks me down so low I can’t function properly and I lose jobs, relationships. I can’t keep a job for very long.

To add to these difficulties, I have been diagnosed with a chronic illness-Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria. This has added to the frustration of trying to live a productive life because I have not been able to stay strong enough to meet the physical demands of a regular job due to periodic illness that causes me to become very ill and taking several weeks to fully recover when it happens. This I am sure is contributing to the worsening of feelings of despair when I am already struggling with depression.

After giving my writings to a therapist and my doctor, I was diagnosed with bp1

~ Author Julie Farmer


If you would like to contribute to the community of “Thrive With Bipolar Disorder”, please contact me, Robin Mohilner.

email: thrivewithbipolardisorder@gmail.com

office: (310) 339-4613

I am honored to share your writing, art, music and any form of creativity that I can upload that would help people thrive with bipolar disorder AND that I will be able to use to help train other mental health professionals.

You can share anonymously or with the pride of your name.